* I'm sorry for "Give My Regards To Broadstreet". Who would have
ever known that wouldn't work out as well as planned?
* I'm sorry for ever doing that music video, "Say Say Say" with
Michael Jackson. I honestly have no idea what came over me. Oh wait, that's right... I believe his name was Jack Daniels.
* Speaking of which, I'm sorry I sold the copyrights of every Beatle
song to Michael Jackson. That damn wigger.
* I'm sorry that my famous name (and astounding good looks) have
somehow benefitted Stella in her treacherous fashion designs. That was a big mistake.
* I'm sorry I ate that steak last Christmas. It looked like a big
portobello mushroom...a big, juicy, meaty portobello mushroom.
* I'm sorry Yoko is such a sour bitch, who won't give me the rights
to "Yesterday".
* I'm sorry I forgot about those 500 lost Beatle tapes. Dammit.
That could have made some major mullah', if you know the jive I be speaking.
* I'm sorry for those 186 face lifts I've gotten over the last
few years. I didn't realize I was beginning to look like a wet bag, with safety pins, securing my skin.
* Goddamit. Geoff wrote that, not me.
* I'm sorry my son, James turned out to be kinda fat. That came
from Linda's side of the family.
* I'm sorry for the entire McCartney II album. Techno seemed like
a good idea at the time.
* I'm sorry for ever publishing that book of paintings. And opening
the Paul McCartney art exhibit. Apparently "Big Heart" was a Big Flop. Zing!
* I'm sorry I sued the other Beatles, after we broke up. Hahaha...yeah,
I was kinda going through my Angry Paul stage back then. Sorry dawgs.
* I'm sorry for ever sporting that atrocious mullet back in the
mid-'70s. Linda made me do it.
* I'm sorry I stopped washing my hair, during that period too.
* I'm sorry I never released that rap album, me and Tupac had been
collaborating on. That would have been crunk.
* I'm sorry Jane was such a hard-headed bitch and wouldn't let
me have affairs. Go bake me a cake, woman.
* I'm sorry my American tour tickets cost so much. I didn't realize
they were charging that much until AFTER I went out, and bought that Bently. My apologies.
* I'm sorry I couldn't get a neck or hand lift. Evidently, those
are the only areas on your body that can't be cosmetically surgerized. Shit.
* I'm sorry John made that "Bigger than Jesus" comment back in
'66. Way to go, John.
* I'm sorry there's no I in team, because if there was, it'd be
spelled teim. I could live with that.
* I'm sorry I never wrote a tribute song to George, after he died.
Or maybe I did? I forget sometimes...
* I'm sorry I laugh at Heather and her crippled friends. Something
about prosthetics make me giggle.
* I'm sorry for the whole "Yesterday" story-telling time. Every
time I told the story of how it originated, it always felt like the first time.
* I'm sorry I keep forgetting to cut my toenails. Yeah, you're
right...it's getting pretty disgusting.
* I'm sorry for that lame ass excuse for taking LSD, and how it
didn't influence others to do so. That's what Doctor Monkeye calls a defense mechanism.
* I'm sorry I keep re-releasing the same damn songs, in the form
of a "new" tour album. Don't be hatin'.
* I'm sorry I bought that book about explosive orgams, right there
where a reporter could see me. Apparently sandwiching the book between Heather's childrens books didn't help either.
* I'm sorry I can't spel very gud.
* I'm sorry for investing so much money to benefit others, and
not enough on myself. Oh wait...tee hee...
* I'm sorry I tripped over Rori on my way to the toilet, down at
LIPA...;)
* I'm sorry everyone thought the Fool on the Hill was me...because
that was totally written about Geoff.
* And last but certainly not least...I'm sorry to all those women
in the '60s I sexed up just a little bit. Hope you didn't catch anything contageous. ;)
