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June 05, 2004 - HEADLINES - Reuters from the FOX hit show, "American Idol" have confirmed that former Beatle, Sir Paul
McCartney will be among one of the guest judges signed on for season four of this talent phenominom. In addition, Bob Dylan's
people have signed up his attendance as a guest judge in the upcoming season.
The Judges
So who's it gonna be?
Paul McCartney - That's right, bitches. Look who's too cool for school now. Well your old Uncle Paul shalln't
miss out on a pop culture phenominom like "American Idol"! Not after the brilliant and dare I say, sexy Elton John set
the precedent that it was "tight" to be a guest judge (and we all know Elton does no wrong - including me). After
all, I am the greatest singlehanded musician of all time and for me to extend my expertly advice to rising starlets on
how to be cool (and score some excellent drugs for a fraction of the cost), I feel I'd be like giving BACK to the community.
And that's what it's all about.
Bob Dylan (and his bountiful array of entourage - AKA the Peeps) - Hey. Listen. My house just got reposessed.
And I'm seriously out of cocaine. So I need some goddamn money, and fast. I don't have many requirements in my contract, other
than I get paid by the hour, and I'm required to have a member of the Poss with me at all times (including during live taping).
So uh... that's pretty much it. Say... does anyone have any smack?
Mission Statement
What's important to teach the kids you'll be working with?
With my many years of being kick ass, I'd like to train the Idols how to deal with overnight fame because
it's an important aspect that goes along with the territory. It's important for them to realize that with celebrity...
comes many timeless opportunities and they must seize these pleasures while they're readily available at their fingertips.
For example in my experience, you get a lot more tail when you're famous (and I'm NOT just talking about fat chicks, though
we've all banged a few fatties, right?). Being well known can open the doors to some HOT bitches, for real. So seize the open
legs and hump your heart out - you'll be glad you did.
What's my mission? Are you fucking serious? Jesus Christ. Alright, let me think of something...
okay, I got it. Hi kids. I'm Bobby Dylan, and I'm going to teach you about injecting substances. Now to begin this exercise,
you're going to need a few spare needles, some cotton balls, something to tie around your arm, and a nice, big kilo of...
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Inspirations
What made you decide to do this?
Well to be honest, there was someone poking me in the ass to do it. Tee hee.
Meet my new roomate, Chuck. We share that cardboard box on 78th, between 8th and 9th. Chuck, while remaining
a loyal friend and dealer, convinced me there were major bucks to be earned by doing Victoria Secret commercials and American
Idol judging. Yeah... true buddy till the very end.
Perks
Who are you most looking forward to working with, during this whole experience?
Shit, there's no contest. It's gotta be Paula Abdul because I wouldn't mind tappin dat ass. We could get
freaky while she sings "C'mon baby, is it gonna be you and me together? Oh, oh, oh..."
Simon Cowell. I'd like to shake the hand of the man that's porked Paula Abdul.
Plugs
Is there any new projects you'd like to promote?
Yes indeed. I've got a new movie coming out straight to video, collector's edition. Everyone go buy a copy
of "Sagface". Also, don't forget to check out the latest Rupert and McFrogger videoset recently released. Peace out niggas.
Dear friends. Please give me some cocaine to numb the pain of being on American Idol. And fuck you. Sincerely,
Bob.
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